This has definitely been an interesting few days for me. I have had so much anxiety for the first day of school. It’s completely ridiculous, and I am not even the one going to school. That would be the oldest boy, Vincent.
I am not much of a crier when it comes school and letting my kids go to it. There was no crying when Vincent went into preschool or nursery. He has never been the clingy type and has never stopped to look back when heading off to a new adventure. In fact when he was in nursery I would go to pick him up after church and he would run and hide under the table because he didn’t want to go! He has also always loved learning and I could never provide enough educational stimulation for him (especially this summer being pregnant!). Every other year starting school has been a relief for both him and me!
This year has been a little different. For one, he has been my super helper all summer long. He was so sweet and attentive to how I was feeling every day. When I was having a rough time he would remind me that he was trying to be the best kid he could so I would have an easier day! He would also be the first to run off and get me something needed for Gemma or William. It still was not an easy summer, but he did his best to help.
No, I still did not cry when I took him to school yesterday. I was so excited still to have one less kid at home all day because I do need help. My anxiety was over everything I had to remember for him, and get everything together to make sure he didn’t forget anything. I didn’t want him to feel bad or left out because I forgot! When I dropped him off in his classroom, for the first time he didn’t really want me to go. He was nervous too! It caught me completely off guard. I worried about him all day! (Again, I realize that for most people this is completely normal, but Vincent is not your typical kid so all of this is bran new for me and him!)
It has been so weird! It was hard to let him go this morning. I wanted to keep him in my sight as long as absolutely possible. I feel like this is one of the first steps of letting him be on his own. Kindergarten and Preschool were short and sweet, but now it’s all day long. I am not there to feed him lunch, and to make sure he is playing nicely with everyone. I am not there to help him make the hard decisions of what is right and wrong. I have to trust in what my husband and I have taught him. And for those things that we haven’t, I have to trust that the Lord will make up the difference.
He is growing up and becoming his own person. And I absolutely love that little person! So, for the first time I am letting go of my little guy on purpose even if he is not quite ready. He will do great, and he will love it! But, here is to being a Mom and taking the time to love who our kids are and who they are becoming!